News-7/26/06-Almost a year. I coulda' had it. This site's pretty much dead. I am going to start work on a new thing with some friends of mine. It'll be called Milkman or something. There's a bot on my guestbook. And I made something new, for old time's sake. The proof Donald Rumsfeld is gay. Apparently, Lance Bass coming out of the closet inspired him to do so himself. Love and peenor, guys. I'll miss those who gave this site their benefit of the doubt. I'm still keeping it. But I doubt I'll update anymore. Look for more projects soon enough with the milkman logo. Peace out.

News-11/30/05-HOLY GOD! A REAL FREAKIN' UPDATE!!! I know. It's amazing, but true. And you though I was dead. How dare you foresake me!!! If you were rabbits, I'd skin you and wear your fleece splendor as a meager hat! Anyway... It's an essay. Kind of about why I think people should be allowed to eat seals. I like it. It's a little more mature then some of the things here. A little more mature, but a little more AMAZING. You may bask in my glory...Now.

It's pretty good, for real. It's in the random poo section. I SERIOUSLY recomend you read it. As Budha would say,"It is enlightening. Now get me a cookie." I'm back. I'm back... Maybe a little more angsty, self loathing, spacey, etc., but I assure you quality entertainment that shall make the masses scream,"HIDE THE CHILDREN!!!"

News(sort-of)-10/3/05-Yes. I am still alive. And I'm sorry for my long absence. Truly I am. I've been busy, lately. I was working on a new list, but suddenly, the world collapsed. Didn't expect that to happen. Whoever the carpenter God hired to build the world is, sucked. Anyway, I'll begin work on the list again. This could turn out to be even better than the smash hit "75 things in AFJROTC". Peace out muh negros.

News-7/30/05-In Memory of the Great Dick Sabot

February 16, 1944 - July 10, 2005

A God Amongst Geeks. Internet pioneer and super dude. We here at Hide the Children Industries remember you!*salute*

News-6/15/05-Tiny update. I gave my lists their own page. And there are more to come. Heheh. I said come.

News-6/10/05-Howdy bastards. I know that I'm getting more visitors than ever, lately. Why? I don't know. You better tell me where you're getting my site name from before I cutcha!*pulls out wooden spoon*Just kidding. I love site publicity. I love you guys*cries*I've been getting mixed feedback. Some people love it, some people hate it. You know what, tho'? I don't care! As long as you come! Hahahhahahahahaaa! Actually, I try to make this site as enjoyable for all as possible. That means minimal cursing... Dammit.Anyways, I updated. I added Theo's fanmail and the 70 Things I learned in AFJROTC... Both in the random poo section. Peace out, muh homee G's. I have to go get the sand out of my older brother's vagina...

News-6/1/05-Well, I just want to say that I am sorry... So very sorry. The Rules of Friendship Rock Throwing wasn't put up. I thought it was, but it wasn't. I forgot to put up the link... I'm so sorry... You may stone me if you wish... Anyway, it's up now. For rizzle this tizzle. And I'm working on something. "Theo Fanmail." Check back often. This is REAL fanmail about Theo. I have him on my siggy on this site called My username on there is Seitou, if you wish to send Theo the SquidCow fanmail.

News-5/21/05-A small update. The Rules of Friendship Rock Throwing. It's an inside joke, but you'll still find it rather amusing. Check in the random poo section, bitches.

News-5/18/05-Update, beeyatches. First of all, there are TWO things I've added. And each has to do with a new discovery. I discovered the last page of the internet(which has strangely been hidden on my site the whole time) and a squid cow. See Theo my new squidcow battle Jeezum my squirrel in the so-titled link. Both the last page and the Theo fight are located in the random poo section.

News-5/3/05-First update in over a month. I've been busy with finals and crap, trying to not fail. Anyway, a week and a half's gone by since school was let out, so I got ja nothin' to do. I'll be trying to be a little more active on this. Anyway, I added a segment called "A Very Strange Conversation." Its a strange note passing session that I typed up. It is really worth the look at. Its in the random poo section. I also deleted "The Ol' Q&A." Well, not deleted. Just removed the link. If you still remember the address, its accessible... Anyway, look foreward to more updates now that its well over 90 degrees here. Ta-ta bitches.

News-4/23/05-Been a while since my last update. Been busy/lazy. Anyway, its a poem thingy I wrote. It isn't funny, and I'm sorry about that. Unless you find the misery of others funny. Then its frikkin' hilarious. Anyway, its in the random poo section. Check it out, ya' say?

News-3/29/05-Another update. I've been updating a lot lately. Its because I've had a painful stupidity overload ever since I started this comic project called "Slaughter Shrub." Anway, its a Q&A thingy. Its decently funny. And I just made it. Check it out in the random poo section.

News-3/27/05-Brand new thing. Manga reviews. Check them out or die a slow, painful death.

News-3/24/05-I put up another thing of mine. Its the 25 non-academic things I've learned in school. I wrote it the other day, but kept putting off putting it up here. But... Its the first thing that isn't incredibly stupid I've put made in a long time. Its worth a looksie.

News-3/18/05-First thing first, Claudia does NOT have glaucoma. Second, I updated. With a grea tpeice of literature. My new poem "Sausages."

Something I want to say-3/16/05-Alright... I just want to say is that my friend Claudia went to the doctor today. She may or may not have glaucoma. I want to ask all of you that have a religion, meaning those of you who aren't aethiests, to pray for her. One of has to be right.

News-3/13/05- Woo! New update! This update is the only thing that seperates this site from an online bookstore. I am hosting the greatest battle since Jesus fought the martians, the weasle versus the triangle. Find it now!

News-3/9/05-Well, this isn't really news... I just wanted to say, Jester and I are now allies in a quest of global domination... and this is Shinomori Aoshi:Learn his name and watch Rurouni Kenshin, as he will be your favorite anime character when we rule supreme, as Aoshi is my favorite anime/manga character...

News-3/7/05-Today, I am putting up a very old satrical essay written by Jonathan Swift. Its about infanticide,or baby eating... for those of you who are ignorant to literature, Jonathan Swift wrote "Gulliver's Travels." Also, I am handing my affiliate Jester Arkron Seraphim a modest proposal of my own to see if we will either battle our armies to the death or take over the universe... Together as arch villains.

News-2/25/05-Yeah! I updated! Its a small update and I will probably be canceling my moon mice project... It just didn't click... Anywho, I wrote and added a new "Purply Squid."I haven't even ran this one by anybody but myself. Its alright... It doesn't suck as bad as the second Purply did... So... Read it... I command you! Also, the guestbook is open for ranting... Mainly it will be where Jest Arkron and I will insult each other...

News-2/9/05- Well, I added another part of my sopposdely daily updated Moon Mice Theory... Yeah... Hmm... *akward silence*Well, happy Chinese New Year... Today is the start of the year of the rooster...

News-2/5/05-Woot! To days in a row! Well... I'm going to put up a new thing... The moon mice theory. It will map out my moon mice adventures... It is the dandy sexy...

News-2/4/05-Been a while since my last update... I shall now update more now that there are actually people visiting this site(AMAZING!!!)... I have found the rest of my twisted farie tales and have also found my notebook of olde that containeth several more Purply Squid poems... I shall implement them upon yon site hithertoo!

News-1/18/05- Today is that last day I will presumably speak with mutual minion Amos/Arkron for that lil' b**ch be movin'... Heh... Fear not, for my inactivity to this site shall not be bothered by it. I've actually been planning on updating, but I haven't been able to find the inspiration to transfer the rest of my twisted fairy tales. I'm planning on updating a bit today, tho'. Let's just see if I can muster some inspiration before my brother comes home from drill practice.

News-1/5/05- Muai Thai Kung Pao! I kick so much bum... I haven't updated in a while... Why? Cuz ur all b****es... There are some new updates, which I actually put up weeks ago, but you don't have to know that, cuz it wasn't in the news! Website propaganda!

News-12/7/04- Happy Pearl Harbor Day, everybody*gets shot by multiple rednecks offended by my insolence*... I am adding a new segment... The random poo section...It will make its debut with the Purply Squid poem page... It will not dissapoint...If it does, I don't give a flying monkey, fool! I'll always have ol' sparky here to protect me*stokes 9mm*...

News-12/6/04-For some reason I'm doing news now...Go figure... Today, I got all of my papers and rough drafts on my twisted fairy tales, and will be uploading them shortly(about ten stories in all)...And, now I have an affiliate, the Jester's Funhouse which is hosted by my mutual minion ,Amos-san... Now... DOn't you have muffins to bake?!

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justin plemmons